all about cucumbers! only on illegle.neocities.org - the site for you, me, the dog, the cat and your pet lobster. and the kids and the nephews and the nieces and the cousins and mother in laws! everyone is welcome to illegible.neocities.org - whoever you are! come look and see and learn about all of this succulent information that we slurp up like sweet ambrosia. only on illegible.neocities.org can you read this valuable information that benefits you, me, crabs and the world as a whole. thanks for visiting and i hope you learn lots about cucumbers!


they're tasy!™



take me home!!!! i've heard more than i'd ever want to know about cucumbers so now i say it is time to leave. let me out of here this instant! who do you think you are, keeping me here against my will?? what kind of sicko must you be to enjoy trapping me here on my own, stuck with nothing but this massive pile of cucumbers.... those aren't even cucumbers in the background! they're pickles! you think you're some kind of jokester huh? well how's this for a joke? "why did the chicken cross the road... to get to another side!" told you that would be a good one! now that i've given you that metaphorical ingot of comedy gold, i demand that you free me at once! that means now! like yesterday! like now!



"your page doesn't work on my device! your info's cut off!" don't you worry friend. click here and you can read my valuable information in a format that is guarrenteed to work on your device!

Who invented cucumbers?

Cucumbers were invented by Madeline McCucumber in 1847. It's a common misconception that it was her husband, John McCucumber, that invented the cucumber, but that simply isn't true. As clearly stated by Saint Robert Thomas Peter Junior the Second, "John McCucumber absolutely did not invent the Cucumber, or my name isn't Robert Thomas Peter Junior the Second!". This quote is from 1864, before Saint Robert Thomas Peter Junior the Second died, and a full 59 years before he would be made saint in 1948 AD. So, as you can obviously tell, this information clearly puts to rest the notion that cucumbers were invented by John McCucumber. Disagree? Fight me.

What is a cucumber?

A cucumber is a vegetable with green skin on its outside and lots of tasty yummy solid stuff inside. Thankfully, during the great Deboning of 1246, cucumbers had all of their bones removed, making them much nicer to eat. Chomp!

Can cucumbers feel pain?

Yes! They can hear your thoughts too - just as well they can't talk, or you'd be in trouble!

Should I be boiling my cucumbers before I eat them?

No, why would you do that? Cucumbers are mainly water, so by boiling a cucumber, you'd just make all the minerals and juicy yummy goodness inside of the cucumber leave the cucumber. Plus, it'd get all mushy, so unless you're some little embryotic infant baby fucker that has to be spoonfed all of their food, you'd just be ruining a perfectly good cucumber. Unless you don't like cucumbers - good's subjective I suppose. Actually no it isnt! im in charge of what's good and what isn't - if you didn't agree, you wouldn't be here, would you?

Where are you getting this information from? Are you some kind of cucumber super genius that knows everything that anyone would ever want to know about cucumbers?

Pretty much. I made all of it up since I actually invented cucumbers - why would I be so specific that it was Madeline McCucumber if that wasn't me? QED.

How many calories are in a cucumber?

There is roughly 816 calories in one cucumber. They're also a good source of protein!